For those not in the know, a weed carrier is essentially the lowest man on the rap game totem pole. In the 90’s – for whatever reason - the roles of weed man and ‘worst rapper on the squad’ started to coalesce into the social phenomenon of the “weed carrier.” This is the guy who occasionally scores a feature from his weed owner, looks high in every crew picture, and gets tossed horrible leftover beats for completely futile “solo efforts.” This list isn’t necessarily a definitive top five – it’s more a series of ruminations on some of rap’s most memorably forgettable weed guys.
5. Masspike Miles
The somber-eyed trap&b crooner hails from Boston, which is strike one. This basically means Miles spent his “come-up” shuttling weed between Boston and New York, where he was ultimately lucky enough to kind-of catch Rick Ross’ eye from across a smoky studio, the Bawse then mumbling: “Huhhh, this guy is from Boston and is out here being a relatively successful male studio groupie in New York…He probably got some fire.’” Shit went well with Miles for a couple years; he got to lace a few completely forgettable hooks for MMG (though it must have really hurt his heart to see dorks like D.A. from Chester French getting video shine next to the Bawse while he cuffed Rozay’s turkey bags somewhere far off the green screen). Where Miles stands today is unclear. He definitely isn’t getting many in-house MMG hook requests ever since Rick Ross decided to reopen the Icebox and let Omarion take his shirt off again. And with Stalley’s bars sounding Huggies-soft on “Self-Made Vol. 2,” there could be another completely irrelevant MMG washup on deck to fill Miles’ niche. Look for him to get locked up, release a mixtape cover where he’s still wearing the same all-black Red Sox fitted he’s worn since ’05, then never release it because he sucks at singing anything other than hooks, which he also kinda sucks at.
4. Memphis Bleek
I defended Bleek’s rhyming chops behind one solitary, somewhat dope song (‘Round Here’) for the entirety of the mid-2000s, and I think this was in large part due to the fact that I was then unaware of Bleek’s social relegation to the position of “weed carrier,” a term which I understood neither literally nor existentially at the time. Ever since Jay reportedly dropped Bleek for “not working hard enough,” (oh, do tell) Bleek has basically been smoking weed alone, releasing unlistenable music, and generally forgetting that it’s no longer 2004. Regardless, you can hate on Bleek all you want, but the man fervently ripped open thousands of du-rag packages for five-ten years behind his submission to Jay’s weed needs. For that, he deserves a lighter in the air.
3. Freekey Zekey
Zeek’s ascension to prominence as a “credible” source regarding the Dipset breakup may seem a slightly false paradigm for understanding his broader worth as a human being. True, he was locked up as the Dipset crew was breaking up, and it might just be somewhat possible that if Zeek had been around he could have yelled the beef off. For those who don’t know the ways of the Dipset, Zeek had the rap game’s most inimitable yell in the early 2000s (hence Cam’ron’s assertion on ‘Get Down:’ ‘F**k you R&B n*****, Zeke sing all the hooks.’). Basically, when Freekey gets going, Jimmy and Cam are piping right the f**k down and the Dipset is suffering much less inner turmoil. For what it’s worth, Zeek is way tougher and more significant to his crew than any of the other weed carriers on this list. For his role as the spiritual keystone of the Dipset, he gets a number three placement.
2. Lil’ Cease
I don’t quite know what has propelled Cease so close to the top of this list: the fact that he carried weed for my favorite rapper of all time, or the fact that he has the most memorably self-ironicizing line to ever start a classic posse cut, on Junior M.A.F.I.A.’s ‘Players’ Anthem:’ “Now who smoke more blunts than a little bit?/ What are you, a idiot?” The fact of the matter is this man also played Nintendo with Biggie’s females. On ‘Get Money,’ Biggie offers Cease’s gaming savvy as a postlude to sexual activity: “You wanna sip Mo’ on my living room flo’/ Play Nintendo with Cease-a-Leo?” The answer to those questions is likely yes and no, respectively, but I’d be willing to bet Big actually made Lil’ Kim play Nintendo with Cease while he let Faith Evans play with the big boy toy next door. Cease probably gave her a ride home after.
1. Chevy Woods
Being Wiz Khalifa’s weed carrier is unlike being anybody else’s; weed is literally all he raps about, and he needs it constantly. So Wiz’ droopy-eyed not-so-hype man is with him at all times, eagerly awaiting the Taylor Gang General’s “time to roll up now, Chev” glance: studio sessions, concerts, and likely even a couple tables away when Wiz and Amber go out to dinner. Since Chevy pretends to rap, studio time can get awkward; he crawls around the session like a starving mutt that the family is thinking about putting down, bullying Wiz’ producers into giving him the whack-ass beat that Wiz promptly nexted at the beginning of the session. Shows are probably pretty tight for Chevy, because white girls just get so f**king frustrated when they can’t shimmy off Wiz’ skinny leotard-jeans, that they instantly resort to Chevy because their dads told them never to have sex with black guys and they already decided that they would be breaking every rule they ever made for themselves tonight. Anyways, the good news is that given the many DayToday’s in which Chevy has showcased his exhaustive collection of generic Mitchell and Ness snapbacks, it appears that he has more job security than the average weed carrier; his career isn’t going any f**king where.